Chapter one

March 14, 2009

This blog started with a series of conversations between Mark & me, after Mark participated in some discussions on Metafilter, on the subject of gender politics.

We've been talking for a few days and finally decided to write down some of our thoughts and exchanges. At the very least it's a terrific conversation, and even though I may feel challenged to state points clearly, it's a challenge I'm enjoying. This is not a fight, I'm not interested in 'winning' and Mark assures me he's not either. We're interested in developing our own ideas (and yes, doing homework) on gender and its influences ~ politics, history, society, economics, genetics...

It began with the notion that there is a patriarchy at work in contemporary US society. Or is there?

Although I believe this, and can point to signs such as the inequities in labor practices, double standards, and biased child rearing, Mark & I are searching to understand what the word means. This has to be defined in order to understand our basis for discussion, as well as theories about where it comes from, what keeps it in place, and who benefits and who is hurt by its existence. How is patriarchy different in our society (and in our different cultures within contemporary US society) than in other places in the world, other times of history?

If patriarchy does exist, then both men and women are harmed by it, and/or any system that diminishes either’s capacity to be fully human. A young woman recently said to me, “I was offering him sex with no strings attached, isn’t that what men want?” With that question it was clear that she underestimated men's capacity to have and want meaningful sexual relationships. She may be empowering her own sexual nature, but I wonder, when it’s time for her to enter into a relationship that is both sexual and meaningful, will she be able to trust that her partner wants more than just sex from her? In which case, she has also undervalued herself as well as her partner.

Other thoughts to keep in mind ~

Our discourse is gender-informed. I can no more run away from the fact that I’m a woman, than Mark can from the fact that he’s a man. Our opinions will be inherently biased by not only our cultural views but by hormonal tendencies. More needs to be asked about which gender differences are genetic.

To further complicate things, gender is a spectrum. I am not 100% woman, Mark is not 100% man. Not sure anyone is. All of this is generalization.

Patriarchy is perceived as a form of oppression. The study of oppression is ongoing, has transformed, influenced and been influenced by popular culture. Ideally this work should not stop until oppression has ceased. It is possible that in the future we may no longer consider patriarchy to be oppressive, or it may be transformed to a point where it serves rather than oppresses. Not unlike democracy, it is only a system, a work in progress. There's a reason it has stuck around for centuries and in so many lands, and it can't just be that it only benefits men. Women are not that weak.

Some questions ~

Objectification ~ why do women like to look at beauty pageants? Is it because we have internalized the ‘male gaze’ (the male pov is the more valued) and embrace what is most important to men in order to succeed, survive, be attractive? Or is it because women like looking at women and fashion, health, talent, and intelligence?

What about male bodybuilders? Who watches them and why?

Why do women notice clothes on the floor and men do not? What are the studies that indicate that women and men have different sensorial capacities, i.e., women have better eyesight and hearing.

Intelligences ~ are men’s intelligences (logic, distance, strength) more highly valued than women’s (intuition, social, emotional)? What are gender-identified intelligences ~ I imagine I'm mythologizing these. Are there realms in which the different intelligences are more useful and therefore more valued? Public vs. private, for example: in the board room vs. in the living room? How does the discrepency in valuation support the status quo?

These are random thoughts to be pursued.

Hi Honey...!